uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
