it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
