Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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