I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
