I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
