DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
