i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
