Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Acid is not a monday night drug
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
