They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
