Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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