she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
