i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
