from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
