we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
