I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
