I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
