nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
