So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
