Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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