windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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