I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
