when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
