I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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