so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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