He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
