i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My cat gives me a boner
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
