You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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