Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
