found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
