I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
