I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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