1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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