i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
