My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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