Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
