The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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