I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
