just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
