absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
