Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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