Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
