i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
