His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
