Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
