White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
