ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
