A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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