dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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