I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
