My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
