i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
