the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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