it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
pop tarts are not kleenex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
