Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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