I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
